Current mood:

overwhelmed and angry

Fuck.
I am in a very dark, foul mood right now. I am angry, and I am glad, because otherwise I thnk I would sink back into the blackness that I only recently got somewhat free of.

Everything at the Center is fucked. Dr Eberwein is afraid that if Austronesia learns about what happened when we did those test that.. well, he could lose control of things at the very least. I am afraid of what they would do if they knew about the... I don't know what I shoudl call them. The Beings. He has been working only at night, and alone, and I think he is going to break if he keeps doing this. I want to help, because I want to know too what is going on, and because I don't like to see him like this. But I don't know what he can even find now, without more information. I said I would help but I don't even know how... I guess I should be happy that Dr. Eberwein doesn't *really* think that I can know the future.

And it is not on,y that I am not gogn to have any answers, because of them. I guess I was being too positive, or maybe I hoped that they would just leave things the same way as before. But no. I am not going to have my visa to stay here, and I haven't been here long enough to count, under their rules, either. They might even try to send me back to Andinia. And even if I am pretty sure that is not going to happen, I am not absoluetly sure,. I mean, if I think I will be here after they leave, that doesn't mean I will be here the whole time. It is like that thing with Nary's boss.

It just feels like suddenly, I am loosing everything. I have school for this term, but term will be over soon, and then what? I will sill have no license, and no visa to stay, if I am not a student...

And then on top of this, I have to send a fib to the twins' family. What do I even say?

I have work I am supposed to be doing for school but I can't get this out of my head to even think on it a little. I keep staing at things in English and it all just looks like gibberish.

It makes me so angry, and frustrated. I will have to do sometihing, to get more involved with the resistance. As long as they don't send me away before I have a chance. It is just one more thing I have to fight. It is all becoming almost too much.